gross from the past (two weeks ago) and for the future

this is something that i wrote approximately two weeks ago and am finally getting to post.  some thoughts on birthdays.  from the outset, note that the birthday celebration was a success, in that i do know these friends of mine well, as they me.  the birthday show is coming up in two days with a facebook event on our team page and everything.

a birthday is one of those occasions when your payment is due on the continuously compounded guilt you’ve been accruing about how little you really know a person.  rarely can you discuss this fact with someone as you present them with the thoughtless, generic, cheapo gift you’ve bought them as a weak gesture toward your spine as it runs away from you down a littered Hollywood boulevard. not that you ever had a spine, but one usually hangs out nearby, and some people recognize that it is yours just by the smell of rotting obsession and compulsion.

so on what better day than a dear friend’s birthday to be reminded of our improvisational theater team’s 1st birthday, which will be coming up in two weeks.  not only am I without a gift for my friend, just like I was for another dear friend two weeks ago, but I am without a gift for our team.  what do you buy a team of people?  a group gift, the same for ever person?  a single gift that you can, somehow, from all of the different cities in which you live, share?  or can you say that the greatest gift of all is a commitment to your anniversary show and just being emotionally present for your celebrations?

that’s the kind of bs that is smeared on the attempts to justify every thoughtless, generic, cheapo gift that’s ever been bought in junky souvenir shops all around the world and throughout history.  does that make it right or wrong?  I don’t know.  for how little it turns out I know these friends, they continually surprise me with how close we can be, on and off the stage.  does that mean they know me better than I know them?  I’d tend to think so.  but has that pissed anyone off enough to start hating me?  no, that hasn’t happened yet.  or at least not here, with these friends.

it’s not odd, but unfortunate, that this post lacks a consistent or strong vein of humor to latch on to.  or if it did, it doesn’t any more. but that’s partly the point.  thatsgross has for too long restricted myself from using it as the tool it should be…a place for me to talk without fear of saying too wrong a thing.  a place where I can save or share a longer thought.  a place that is actually useful to me, without being hurtful to too many other people.

i made some funny comics today with a friend.  well, they may not be funny, but I had fun making them.  I want to have fun making other things.  here’s to having fun making things.  now take a sip of your gin and tonic, scoot away from that bar, and go make something of your life, you lazy pile of trash.  you too can be a successful pile of trash!  all you have to do is try!  cheers.

so, there you have it. here is another renewed commitment to expressing myself, publicly, when i feel the need, instead of bottling it up only to eventually lose pressure.

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